Currently Listening Stickwitu, Pt. 2 By Pussycat Dolls see related

tuesday 14th febuary 2006

wow how long has it ben since i have wrriten in this log diary?? life with me have changed allot lets say 360 degree turn has happend. nothin more can ever go worse. Health , life, friends, family.....  Its valintines day today i wish every couple the best and all the singles out there im pretty sure you will find someone...

At times life can be so complicated i dunno why and how...  Sometimes a matter of fact i dunno how to respond to certain situations... But i can always help and slove friends problems .. i guess its a bit like that rite?? always as  a 3rd person lookin into the problem and sloving it. As for me i dunno weather i have completley spoiled him or is it that he takes advantage of me?? knowing evey thing i think or do??

I have learnt in a relationship you must give and take. And the best thing is to talk things out. no matter how hard it is and no matter how well he knows you deep down inside if you dont slove the problem, and other issues get involved then it starts to pile up. If for insitince you ask him a question he replys and acts differnley towards the issue then if you dont tell him how you feel or act then let it inside and remain there then how is the relationship going to work??

That means no communication, which is a HUGE problem in my understanding. each day in life for me is really funny ill use this word! during the days i will stay home clean, watch tv, takecare of my anties baby Then at night my friends will ring head out run a muck they say!  

I believe in faith and also what ever happends it happends for a reason   a old saying "when one door closes" "Another one opens" i try not to over think to much and have fun take day by day  i know it may sound as if i have no plans and should plan out, its not that i just find it alot more easier and also dont have weights on your sholders when you think things less complicated.

Ofcoz i have to agree you think one step ahead is way much better then not thinking at all, however when you over stress yourself and think to much, you create issues and problems even more and then you over think and react, which i believe its not what you want!! correct???

there is a chinese saying which i fine very funny but very true and that is

when you think of a problem but you cant slove it you have actually sloved it by thinking about it!! hahhaha is it me or do you understand what im trying to say??

takecare peoples  9.21pm

friday 6th january 2006  9:43 AM

HELLO PEOPLES!!! im feeling heaps better so decide to write and not hide myself anymore!!! why do i say that well allot have happend in the past since christmas!! WOW have i beign thinking about what went wrong.. To long of a story to tell i just have to say a fresh start for the year new beginning and also new years resolution!!!

Hum... i dunno whats mine yet except the usual loose weight hahhaha a girl stuff i guess.... silly silly yeha yeah but it's me. What you see is what u get no more no less. I have found out allot from the past experience through friendship.. When you say u have close friends or even say that your sisters sometimes things can change with just one problem. And with allot of misunderstanding and thinking in a person, If you dont talk things out and let it inside of you then it becomes problems.

Why do i say that let me ask you what is a best friend?? what do they do apart from helping you through bad times, listening to your stories, supporting you in every step of the way, understanding your problems and accept the dessions you make, apart from that would you add on top of it understanding your personality?? ofcoz huh? i would.

Anyway im not going to say about that today i want to say IM GOING JET SKIING!!!! HAHHA 1ST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! so excited about it my friends are trying to show me around adalaide!!! can you believe that in the past 3 years i havent even beign skiing to make things worse havent even beign to HENDLEY BEACH well my friend took me there yestrday to the beach.. Now today another friend is taking me jet skiing hehehhe...

I have to say in life you win some you loose some i guess thats the balance in life gaining also experience and understanding the right and wrong is very important......

9:56am

25th December 2005    1:40am

merry christmas to everyone and too all my loved ones i haope the very best for all of you and may all your wishes for christmas present be filled up to the top of waht you want!!!!

it has been a very long time since i have wriiten in mt jurnal :)) wow cant actully believe that i will sit down and start writting tonite well this morning :) I hav relised allot of things has happend during the past few months and also my everyday life.. guess im kindda lazy in a way should update myself more often.. To ALL my friends out there have u ever relised thta im a wriiter and never a talkers?? you know what i have relised today that when i explain myself or try to express myself i have huge problems and also huge matters.. Thats all i can say. In my life i have relsied that there are many things i need to take seriouly and in mind so that no confusion or misunderstanding will happen. Well obviously i have HUGE problems into saying what is right and wrong and what i think is a joke or matters which i dont take in considerate others do.

I really want to explain myself in life in psyscial action insted of words and wrritng but im a writter not a talker. why do i say that is that i fine it more esay to write then to show emotional feeling out to say that is.. Guess its all in the family.. I feel really hard to explain in certain ways to matters when i have beign asked to explain certain things .. you know i really wanna say but when i do the words just dont come out the way it's suppose to.

But what hurts most is not beign trusted. But yet you must understand and think why do people dont trust you.. Yes would it be the things you said?? or would it be the things you have done?? there is always a reson in why problems and matters come up. Within this time place and moment right now all i can think of is  "Blank" nothing hurts me more then knowing the words to say that wants to come out inside your mind but never beign able to express it out verbally.

1:55 am

10:39pm Tuesday 15th november 2005

Im all puzzled in life at the moment seems like everyday and every time i write im either sad , confused, or puzzled. ~sigh~ how i wish i can be more better and not think the way i have been. wow time dose pass by huh? trying to finish my diary but never can either trying to clean my room or trying out outfits for tommorrow, or even talking to my anty and sometimes msn people message me to catch up or ask me questions, hum... HAHA think ill have to delete msn altogether, Im trying to sleep early coz i havea big event but its always like this when u have a up comming event you can never sleep, ~sigh~ well me anyway its always me.  Well at least i know what a girl should do if she cant sleep the least i can do for my face is to put a MASK on and keep myself looking pretty i suppose HAHAHH well i kno wthe motto like everyone knows "IT WONT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT BUT IT WILL HAPPEN" hahah im pretty sure you all know what im on about, and recenlty i have been trying out som many masks and i found this one it really dose do the trick and you do feel the difference....

OMG can sleep arghhhh guess ill be a panda 2morrow oh well at least im keeping myself occupied :) Ive been thinking allot latley about my future and how people come and go in my life, everyone believes in so many differnt things and as my mum and dad always say if we all act the same and behave the same then the world will be boring agree with me huh? Each day passes me by and eveything is always differnt and didffent things happen to me all the time.... Not to mention i have so many differnt mood swings i feel sorry for all those who put up with me have to kiss you guys muah!!

i guess the more older iam the more wiser i get looking at things in all difffernt points of aspects and react on different angles as well, some many say im weird now and not as childish as i was b4, i have to say i have changed allot and have looked upon more advance and upper views, as a chinese saying is always said "humans look upon high fileds" At this momnet i look back on my doings in evey asspects such as... FAMILY what happend when i was with them and without them FRIENDS how i muck around with them events and also happenings in canberra were i spent most of my childhood well all my child hood i suppose and also LOVE hum... always have a problem in that filed hahah guess its not a good field for me huh?? well only i will know and also my close sisters and bestfriends "connie" hugs and kisses X00X0OOX eveyone of them who has been through with me awww

can u believe its now 2:29am which is like so so so late for me im yawning but i still cant go to bed im so tired but yet not sleepy ~sigh~ havent been like this in ages it feels like im in high school again waiting to go to camp before i was writting i actully watched the dvd move DRACLUA 2000 its good nice very nice.. i recommend it, you know sometimes when i day dream i always think what happends if i had the chance to become a vampire with ever lasting life just feeding on blood would you take that oppertunity? hum.. well to be honest i dunno, You see to have ever lasting life is a really temting thing but to see your loved ones get older and older while you stay at that age and to see them all die before you while you cant do anything, well you might think you can by bitting them and turining them into one of your kind, come on as if you can really bite the one you love?? SORRY but i definally cannot do that type of thing.

I can consume the pain that i have and sufer from it but to see my loved ones get bitten from me sorry it dosnt list in my doings, but my friends always call me a vampire because i tend to go out at night all the time and have big events as if i do now heaven is closed and also man me and my anty has the be relationship ever now i feel like shes my big sister everytime we go out she picks clothes for me and tell me what to wear and how to dress and also using skin care products and teaching me about were to go and how to stand in life i mean wow never knew i can get along with her that well, im really suprised. When she moved in i was so sacred that i didnt know how to express myself and also scared that i will say things that might affend her, now evey day i go to work or go out i tell her how it was today how it went and also what happend, im so happy when im with her she really dose brighten up my life, today we went to the fronencic science buliding to get her fingerprints it  took only 30mins and before that she finally experienced catching the bus in adalaide, hehehe she enjoys it i really hate it especially meeting the weird ones on the bus well im pretty sure you all know waht im talking about right!!!

we went shopping in the city today wow i have never been so so happy in my life the although the day went really fast with just the 2 of us but we had the most wonderful time enjoying everything we did walking into stores looking at clothes and also relaxing enjoying life this experence is oneday that i will never forget i have never been so so so relaxed in my life everything i did with my anty was really slow montion and even walking the pace was so so slow discribing the feeling would be just like a snail crawling how good is that, most people now a days including all you people has to either rush against time or has scedhudles, events, or things to do inother words running against time a hectic lifestyle, well that all discribes me anyway intill today just smooth relaxing and also carfree.

People its 21st centry now we all need to have a break or even plan a day crusie once in a awhile evey boday desreves a break and also needs one right? so why not plan something or even to chill out with friends watching a movie a night out for coffee?? um... that would be nice, you know what i want at this moment i would like to focus on my goals in job wise i have to figure it out what i want to do and what filed i should do now apart from that once in a while a big slumber party out!! or even a drink up at a friends house or mine {if you dare} hahaha or just sitting on the coach with popcorn, chips, choclate, lollies, yum... with a scraey movie or a comedy with the girls :) is a nice thing to do love wise hum.. would love to find a great guy who i can lean on well he must have heavey shoulders hahha or just someone that i can sunggle up to, or even someone that i can hold and pass my warmth to would love that... well i guess its up to faith i suppose i wonder what type of guy will eventually come across my life, as all might say like me it will eventully come, just have to be patcianet and wait i suppose

2:57am im still not tired but i guess my mind is telling me to lay down in bed close my eyes and count sheep shhhhhh yes i still do count sheep and im not ashamed of it  well eventually ill fall asleep i hope.

cheers my dears  2:58 

12:05pm Saturday 13th 2005

Have you ever wondered why us humans were bourght to this world? And why we react to differnt isussies and situations? What passes our bottom lines or why are we forgiving to some but not to others? Today allot of questions came to my mind... I have been thinking recentley why i have been acting the way iam today and also why i have decided to make this change.  Just then my anty told me to feel the life in her stomache how incredible is that i can actully hear ADAM inside kicking her and also hear the heart beat of a un born child. Its so incredible life i mean and what we learn and see everyday. I feel really safe and happy at home when im with my anty because i can talk to her and also listen to what she has to say. And i really do feel there is no generation gap between us and we can really talk about everything with out hiding our feelings, im really open with her and i tell her how i feel all the time, today as we were going for a walk she asked me "what is it that you want to achive right now"? And also what is your dream?  Well when she asked me tht i was in shock not that i dont have a dream but for such a long time noone has asked me that

Which makes it really hard to reply at times and also at that moment i paused and felt really touched by her, my family memeber asking me that question is like huh?? no body really did ask me that, she told me her dreams and ever since she grew up she wanted to open up her own dessert shop selling desserts and also waffles, creeps, etc...  My dream was once to be a ******* hahah curious? nope im not gonna say how ever i will tell you what i want to do in future if i can it is also related to my dream that is to open up my own BRAND NAME CLOTHES STORE selling all fashionable clothes and also brands bringing new trends from differnt cultures, and logos, brands etc... that is if i have the chance to i really would love to give it a go, anyway i told her my plans what it would be when i head back to hk with her at this point i dunno when were heading back but it will be during next year for sure if all goes well and occurding to plans, but as we all know well it happends to me that is every time i plan things events it never goes well or occurding to plans so i dunno and i cant really predict the future so ~sigh~  we can only hope for the best and prepare for the worse i suppose.

I have just relised how annoying family memebers can be at times when your trying to concentrate on one thing and putting your mind into doing it they often call you to do this or that and they want your reaction and reply like ... A.S.A.P ~sigh~ and during this point right now they trying to read what im writing alothough i know they dontunderstand what im doing i still fell invaded I NEED MY PRIVACY heaps bad!!!  

1:01am